he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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