Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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