The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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