Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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