I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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