when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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