My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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