I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize