I didn't shave. On purpose
from now on my penis is your penis
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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