So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
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It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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