the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize