yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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