are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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