didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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