She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize