my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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