I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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