Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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