Pregnant stripper...not hot.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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