Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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