My first STD was from a foam party
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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