If i come over, it means nothing
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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