True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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