Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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