I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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