i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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