fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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