You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she smelled like a LAN party
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize