LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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