someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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