You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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