Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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