She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize