Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just found a bag of teeth...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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