I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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