I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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