Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I intend to get homeless drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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