What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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