My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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