Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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