woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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