I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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