im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I will be naked everywhere
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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