I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize