I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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