I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
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There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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