ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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