Welp...herpes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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