In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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