Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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